Aim For Gold

I have perfect moments... perfect days... perfect weeks... even perfect months... Then, unexpectedly, they are rudely interrupted when something small slips into my rosy world and sears a hole as effectively as a drop of acid would landing on my soul.

Today the sky was blue and all was well, then in one imperfect blink of an eye, a drop dripped and hit me... I winced. Since then, I have found myself rubbing my heart and trying to ease the burn with positive thoughts.

The gold that soothes two souls wounds one. While you can argue that it shouldn't, that it means nothing to you... it means everything to everyone else who looks at it. It no longer belongs in or around MY world. It appears when I'm not expecting it, and slaps me in my face, effectively reminding me of my place and that not all of my reality is 'real', but smoke and mirrors...

It reminds my friends of my position and leads to uncomfortable questions that I can not answer. I am superwoman and this small bit IS my Kryptonite. I make valiant efforts to battle it's effects on me, but the point is, I AM affected.

I know working today will ease my pain... losing self in my job has always been my salvation. At this moment though, I long to run home to my garden and the sun that shines in it. Where I can hide and breathe fresh air... This part of my life holds no illusions - no surprises that can hurt. I know who I am and what my position is there. I know I belong.

Am I being unfair? I think not. I do know what I have here too. I just anxiously await the day when there will no longer be a pocket full of gold Kryptonite to affect me. I pray for patience and strength to get to that day, because days like today are getting increasingly harder to affect nonchalance.

I am very happy... my Kryptonite and all that it stands for is the only thing that bars my way to total nirvana. Knowing how I feel about need my world to be a happy place... knowing how negative juju affects my soul... please keep your Kryptonite hidden from me. Have a care for MY feelings as you are having a care for others... It works both ways my love.

Vent over... since I can't run to my garden from PA, I'll settle with pictures from yesterday.

Peace Out.

Aim for Alex

I hope you all had a wonderful Easter and spring break... Thanks to my mom for my new blog logo to the left... Too funny and perfect!

The bunnies got a break this Easter morn... Or some might say, my children did... It's a tradition in my household to do the bunny hop...


The bunny hop is a novelty dance that was created at Balboa High School of San Francisco in 1952. The dance has been generally done to Ray Anthony's big band recording of the song. It's a variation on a conga line. You dance in a line, holding the hips of the person in front of you. You tap the floor two times with your right foot, then with your left foot, then hop forwards, backwards, and finally three hops forward... The first person in the line leads the group around the floor.

In our case, the bunny hop is done all the way down the street from my children's Oma and Opa (when I grew up it was done down the street from my mother's parents)... This signals to the Easter bunny that we are not home and that he should hide the eggs. The men stay behind to wait for the bunny, while the women and children hop their way merrily down the street.

Alas, this Easter morn, I woke up with the worst hang over in decades... Courtesy of my bff's friend, who kept pouring margaritas at dinner and later providing beer as we three played darts... I didn't notice how much I drank... I never felt blitzed... But apparently my poor lil body was poisoned. So I'm aiming for my bff Alex this week... because I have no clue how to find Steve.

This was how I looked at my Easter celebration... Yes, that's a large bottle of Tums... That and a bit of applesauce was my Easter dinner lol...


Perhaps I should be aiming for my step mom for taking the picture... But I digress... when it was time to do the bunny hop my children both took a stand and said "We AREN'T doing the bunny hop this year"...

Weakly I responded... "You guys get a break... because I can't jar my poor body today... I'll be walking down the street looking older than Oma... Just keep up with us two lil old ladies will you...?"

Here's my step mom, Corrie, and Katie right before the egg hunt... (No it wasn't a requirement to wear this color scheme... somehow they came up with it on their own)...


My kids are getting sooo big...


Katie finding an egg... We don't hide real eggs, but plastic ones filled with cash or candy... :)


The kids checking out their Easter goods after the egg hunt... (and me trying to hold it together and watch them)...


All in all my kids had a good Easter... I was able to spend time in a very quiet, slow state with my family... which is better than being away from home, but not quite the Easter I planned...

The last two days I was gone... One for work and one for a union meeting in Newark... That was interesting and informative... I'll be going to more of those in the future... Especially when we get our own local lodge... I'm not holding my breath on that being soon... :(

This morning I got to spend a lovely morning lounging with the man I love madly... did a nice run and workout through Piedmont Park... and then brunch after... Truly a perfect start to the day... He centers me like no other. One of my life's greatest gifts.

As always, returning home I find a spring surprise... Today was from one of the Rhododendron's I planted in my front yard last year after I removed the 'builders bush'...


Spring is in the air... love surrounds me... the sun is out... and life is good...

If you run into Alex's friend Steve... kick him in the knee for me...

Spring Break... Aim for Water...

It's Spring Break... and this means travel for most... After somehow managing to get 16 days off... We decided to test our luck in getting out to San Francisco. Alas the DL gods didn't award us the winning ticket... I know better during Spring Break, but it would have been lovely to see family.


So by day 2 we gave up flying to San Francisco and spent the day in Atlanta... Atlantic Station and Imax 3D viewing of Wrath of the Titans...

I spend the evening searching for places our planes fly that stop at water... I'm aiming for a beach... A warm beach...

Finally day 3 we hop a plane to one of my favorite overnights, Wilmington, NC. Cape Fear area... beach, beach and MORE beach... We drive south, through Carolina Beach and find Fort Fisher...


This is my view for the rest of the day...



I decide to take a chance and take the kids to my favorite restaurant in Wilmington. Lil Dipper... It's a fondue place and they have never eaten fondue before... it's a total hit.




We wandered the wharf along the Cape Fear River. CJ decided to rest on a ship... while Katie thought it would be fun to lift it up.


The next morning, waffle fortified we went back to Fort Fisher... it's a beautiful day.




We end the day eating at another fondue place, The Melting Pot... not as good as Lil Dipper but the kids are happy with the chocolate fondue at the end of the meal.

We get up early the next morning and head back to Atlanta... Relaxed and happy... and slightly tanned. I get back home and my garden has lots of 'welcome home' surprises... Hostas are going wild.



Azalea's are in full bloom...



OMG this iris is amazing.


Today I spent the whole afternoon shopping with my boo to get plants for my garden. Went to Randy's Pond and Perennials... cool place...


We weeded, pruned, and brought the garden out of winter mode and into spring/summer. Planted half dozen new perennials to fill in the the blanks that didn't survive the winter..


We planted three different types of tomatoes... 3 different types of peppers... eggplant... basil...


I'm so stupidly happy. Great times with my kids... and a great 24 hours with my boo. My life is perfectly imperfect.

I love you CJ & Katie... with all my heart. I love you boo... with all that I am.

Iris Make Me Happy

Sooo true today... After a 3 day trip with wake up calls before 4 a.m... this night girl is dragging her sorry butt. I worked with 3 flight attendants that I adore, and had a fabulous time in Mexico, so I'm not complaining...

Driving home today, I kept looking at the weather and thinking my barbecue was calling me... I LOVE BBQ chicken! One of my favorite meals... I was trying to think of how I could do it quickly. What I could get around.. because I can barely see straight... I'm thinking I have to do laundry, grab kids, post a blog, work on open time, clean the cat's litter box... and all I want to do is put my fuzzy pink slippers on, lay down on the couch and pass out... Yet when I pull into my driveway, I see them... IRIS! They're beginning to bloom. I leap out of my car and wander all over my garden... taking pictures and oohing over each one of them. I LOVE IRIS!


The blog begins to write itself in my head... The exhaustion leaves for a while... I am rejuvenated by the happiness my Iris give me. I look around the garden and yearn to get my hands in the dirt. I look to the calendar in my head and figure out when I will have enough time to do a 'spring cleaning' of the garden and plant my veggies.


I see the perennials that have come back, yet again, faithfully. I wonder why anyone would plant annuals. I get their purpose.... But perennials are like Christmas every spring... A gift that keeps on giving. I love that I plant them once and they keep returning... bigger, stronger...


Another gift that keeps on giving and keeps returning bigger... stronger... the love that I have from my boo... I'd like to thank him for 'getting there' on a few of my overnights this month... I love you beyond reason... Each day is a gift.

And with that... the first picture of this blog has inspired me... I have the drink... I have the cat... a bath is calling my name...

Oleta Adams "Get Here"

You can reach me by railway, you can reach me by trailway
You can reach me on an airplane, you can reach me with your mind
You can reach me by caravan, cross the desert like an Arab man
I don't care how you get here, just - get here if you can

You can reach me by sail boat, climb a tree and swing rope to rope
Take a sled and slide down the slope, into these arms of mine
You can jump on a speedy colt, cross the border in a blaze of hope
I don't care how you get here, just - get here if you can

There are hills and mountains between us
Always something to get over
If I had my way, surely you would be closer
I need you closer

You can windsurf into my life, take me up on a carpet ride
You can make it in a big balloon, but you better make it soon
You can reach me by caravan, cross the desert like an Arab man
I don't care how you get here, just - get here if you can

I don't care how you get here, just -- get here if - you can

Early Spring

It is officially Spring, and yet in Atlanta, it has been Spring for weeks. I've been cringing, watching all of my beloved bulbs and fruit trees happily start to bloom... I kept waiting for that final March frost... and now, I think, I can breathe easily...


Well maybe that's the wrong words to say... no one living in Atlanta is breathing easily this week... With 9000+ pollen counts, our homes, cars, and streets are yellow... I'd wear a gas mask though to watch the Spring revival every year if I had to. From such desolate landscape to such amazing beauty in a small space of time... It really takes my breath away and is a reminder that life does rise from the ashes... what was bleak will shine again...


I don't know what I love more... Forsythia, Daffodils, or Dogwood... Do I have to choose? Ones a bulb, ones a bush, and the other a tree... Perhaps I can love them all equally...


This little redbud was a freebie from Arbor Day Society... Loving it... look how cute and pretty it is this year...


My blueberries are looking fabulous so far... I'll be blogging "Aim for the Birds" soon, as I fight them for the luscious fruit these bushes will bear...


My country road, that takes me home... this time of year it has cherry trees lining the left, and dogwoods lining the right... How lucky am I to drive by this beauty daily...?


Country Roads, Redux... (Sorry John)

Almost heaven, West Suwanee,
Appalachian Mountains, Chattahoochee River,
My life is new here, newer than the trees,
Where theres lil mountains, and barely any breeze

Country roads, take me home
To the place I belong,
West Suwanee,
Mini van mamma,take me home
Country roads

All my memories, gather round him
Sweetest man, stranger to Hotlanta
Dark and sexy, paints my love 'cross the sky
Misty taste of bourbon, teardrop in my eye

Country roads, take me home
To the place I belong,
West Suwanee,
Mini van Mamma, take me home
To the country roads

I hear his voice in the midnight hour he calls me
Radio reminds me of my man far away
Driving down the road I get a feeling
That he should have been home yesterday, yesterday

Country roads, take me home
To the place I belong,
West Suwanee,
Mini van Mamma, take me home
Country roads

Take me home, that country road
Take me home, that country road

Only Child Syndrome

Bob Dylan - Make You Feel My Love

When the rain
Is blowing in your face
And the whole world
Is on your case
I could offer you
A warm embrace
To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows
And the stars appear
And there is no - one there
To dry your tears
I could hold you
For a million years
To make you feel my love

I know you
Haven't made
Your mind up yet
But I would never
Do you wrong
I've known it
From the moment
That we met
No doubt in my mind
Where you belong

I'd go hungry
I'd go black and blue
I'd go crawling
Down the avenue
Know there's nothing
That I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love

The storms are raging
On the rolling sea
And on the highway of regret
The winds of change
Are blowing wild and free
You ain't seen nothing
Like me yet

I could make you happy
Make your dreams come true
Nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends
Of the Earth for you
To make you feel my love, To make you feel my love


I have had an AMAZING few weeks. Everything seems to be clicking into place. My kids are great, my job is good and the warm sun is stroking my cheek as Spring returns to Georgia...


My man and I have been traveling... three cities in three weeks... I've spent soo much time with him recently, that I think I'm about to rival my cat in his ability to purr loudly.

Driving away from him today I felt my mood spiraling into a free fall... It's crazy, I know.... I'm so spoiled rotten that I miss him when I walk away... I got home and went into my garden to cheer myself up... I couldn't find the joy, but I could see the beauty... my period hormones were winning out... positively gleeful that they found some bad juju to hold onto... so I grabbed my cat, turned on Pandora, and took a nap.


I woke up and decided to go for a run... big girl panties on and Ipod charged, I ran for nearly 4 miles. Running IS my salvation. Always has been. I went into a deep depression after I was raped at 15... When I came out of the depression 6 months later I started running... and I haven't stopped since... Running gets my head straight. I laugh, I sing, I cry hysterically, and run while I'm doing it... I run out anger and sadness... I run and embrace joy and life... I run... to feel alive.


I ran today and dropped my hormones off at the local high school where a deserving teenager could keep them for me. I know there's absolutely no reason for me to let myself into a funk.

What I was suffering from was only child syndrome... me me me me me... I'm sure it's because I'm an only child that when it's not all about me for a half a minute, I panic and pout... I know I'm being an ass when I'm feeling that way, so I don't say anything... I get angry with myself because I know I'm being unreasonable, and that just perpetuates the downwards spiral... because I don't like to feel icky and angry... So I pep talk self and scream at self... I can and do snap out of it always... today it only took me four miles lol...


The sun was shinning high... my family is happy and healthy... and I have the love of my life... my ONE... You know how I feel... amazingly good...



Michael Buble "Feeling Good"

Birds flying high
You know how I feel
Sun in the sky
You know how I feel
Reeds driftin' on by
You know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good

Fish in the sea
You know how I feel
River running free
You know how I feel
Blossom in the tree
You know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good

Dragonfly out in the sun you know what I mean, don't you know
Butterflies all havin' fun you know what I mean
Sleep in peace when the day is done, that's what I mean
And this old world is a new world
And a bold world
For me
Fooor me

Stars when you shine
You know how I feel
Scent of the pine
You know how I feel
Yeah freedom is mine
And I know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life

It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
It's a new life
For me

And I'm feeling good

Growth Despite Vermin

Believe in me
Help me believe in anything
I want to be someone who believes - Mr Jones - Counting Crows


I am a planner... I'm constantly looking ahead, planning the direction of my life... focusing on the future but enjoying each day... maybe that's why I love gardening. I can plan and watch my plans take shape... each seed I sow... each bulb I plant... adds to the garden that I envision in my future. It's a slow process as I can't afford to put the money needed to make my garden the oasis I want... but in the past 4 years I've been slowly adding another plant... another tree... getting joy out of the evolving beauty of the seasons... Each new flower makes me stop, stare, smell (if aromatic), grin, and inevitably take pictures... I want to remember each bit of beauty produced there. I'm proud of the way it's shaping... the sweat equity absolutely paying back in droves....


I recognize things will hamper my well laid gardening plans... like bunnies... storms... or dead growth that needs to be removed to let the plants shine... sometimes its painful to prune.... but I know with pruning and lots of careful tlc the budding plant will become something stunning to be proud of...


As I write about my garden, it's come to me this is also true in human living... part of our growth process is removing dead growth... getting through hurts and rejoicing in accomplishments. When our mistakes (vermin) are laid at our feet it can be painful... but if you learn and grow from these, they are valuable lessons that can be plowed into our past...

It might take time to remove all the dead growth from our seemingly long winter... but I have all the time in the world... and plans in my heart for a perfectly imperfect life with you in it... so I will take your hand, help you remove our dead wood with apologies and fertilize your heart with all the love you know I have for you...

I should have just said I understand, and I am sorry... take the time you need to digest it. I'm not going anywhere... the peace that comes from being with you has always been better than existing without you...

Iluanf



With a little love, and some tenderness
We'll walk upon the water
We'll rise above the mess
With a little peace, and some harmony
We'll take the world together
We'll take 'em by the hand
'Cause I've got a hand for you
'Cause I wanna run with you
Yesterday, I saw you standing there
Your head was down, your eyes were red
No comb had touched your hair
I said get up, and let me see you smile
We'll take a walk together
Walk the road awhile, 'cause
'Cause I've got a hand for you
I've got a hand for you
'Cause I wanna run with you
Won't you let me run with you? yeah
Hold my hand
Want you to hold my hand
Hold my hand
I'll take you to a place where you can be
Hold my hand
Anything you wanna be because
I wanna love you the best that, the best that I can
Hold My Hand - Hootie and the Blowfish