Aim for Goal Blockers

What's your goal?

As I was running along and over the Elizabeth River this morning I thought, as I always do, "Is this run done yet?  Can't I just shorten it to 2 miles?"... and I told myself, as I always do, "The first mile is always the worst... wait... you'll be fine..." and I was... Once I get through the first mile the endorphins always kick in and I seem to run 3.5-5 miles without problems... In the long run I tend to run past the intended end just a bit because I'm not ready to be finished where just a half mile in I always AM ready to be finished.  It's a mind over matter issue.  Letting go, letting God, and BELIEVING in yourself... never giving up.

I thought about this as I was running over the bridge.  I had passed a homeless woman on the way out.  I smiled at her and kept running... when I headed back the way I came, I caught up to her and as I went to pass her again she reeled around on me and started screaming God knows what.  I smiled, this time my fake smile, did a peace out, and kept running.  Her demons still screaming bad juju at me as I ran.  I thought about her on the rest of the run...  Where did she lose her goals?  We don't grow up dreaming about being homeless.  Au contraire, we dream of the white picket fence, fast cars, and of being someone...  I know homelessness comes from a variety of societies problems, alcohol/drugs, mental health, and the general economy... This blog isn't going to touch or debate the reasons why... so don't feel the need to comment on homelessness...  It's about losing focus on our dreams.

It's about the moments of our lives where we choose to keep fighting for/striving for our goals or where we choose to give up on/lose those goals...  I posted a quote today on Facebook, which a few of you liked... "You almost have to stay in the moment, because if you let your mind wander, if you don't keep it roped in, it can take you to dark places. Why worry about what's down the road when you don't know how long it really is"... I don't know if anyone knew the story behind that quote... and I felt it would be stronger in NOT knowing the story.  It's true for everyone... not just Lauren Hill, a 19 year old college student who is dying from an incurable brain cancer and is spending her last days reminding the world of EXACTLY this point... Live in TODAY.  She knows her tomorrows are numbered and yet she's still fighting for a goal... having her life have purpose.  Having had a reason to have lived...  if a dying 19 year old can focus on that... why is it so many of us can't.  We wallow in our small shit instead of letting it go and leaving rent space in our heads for the big shit.

I like to run along water because water helps keep me focused on my goal of running a long distance.  The moment I'm near it, I seem to be invincible.  I FEEL it's power in my soul like a mermaid in the sea.  I am reminded of my goal of needing water in my life... of living near it when my kids go to college.  As I run I ponder what I have to do to make that happen.  The first third of my life was where my parents were... the second third of my life is where my children are... the last third of my life is where I need to find peace with myself alone, or if God intends, with a man deserving of me that I love beyond reason.  There are many choices/paths before me in the next four years...  Sometimes things get in my way and sometimes I let my head wander into those dark places... but I do not let myself dwell in these places for long... I keep putting my feet in front of the other... because I know that the endorphins will kick in and my goals for the last third of my life will come to fruition.

"Fast Car"

You got a fast car
I want a ticket to anywhere
Maybe we make a deal
Maybe together we can get somewhere
Any place is better
Starting from zero got nothing to lose
Maybe we'll make something
Me myself I got nothing to prove

You got a fast car
I got a plan to get us out of here
I been working at the convenience store
Managed to save just a little bit of money
Won't have to drive too far
Just 'cross the border and into the city
You and I can both get jobs
And finally see what it means to be living

See my old man's got a problem
He live with the bottle that's the way it is
He says his body's too old for working
His body's too young to look like his
My mama went off and left him
She wanted more from life than he could give
I said somebody's got to take care of him
So I quit school and that's what I did

You got a fast car
Is it fast enough so we can fly away?
We gotta make a decision
Leave tonight or live and die this way

So remember when we were driving driving in your car
Speed so fast I felt like I was drunk
City lights lay out before us
And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder
And I had a feeling that I belonged
I had a feeling I could be someone, be someone, be someone

You got a fast car
We go cruising, entertain ourselves
You still ain't got a job
And I work in a market as a checkout girl
I know things will get better
You'll find work and I'll get promoted
We'll move out of the shelter
Buy a bigger house and live in the suburbs

So remember when we were driving driving in your car
Speed so fast I felt like I was drunk
City lights lay out before us
And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder
And I had a feeling that I belonged
I had a feeling I could be someone, be someone, be someone

You got a fast car
I got a job that pays all our bills
You stay out drinking late at the bar
See more of your friends than you do of your kids
I'd always hoped for better
Thought maybe together you and me find it
I got no plans I ain't going nowhere
So take your fast car and keep on driving

So remember when we were driving driving in your car
Speed so fast I felt like I was drunk
City lights lay out before us
And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder
And I had a feeling that I belonged
I had a feeling I could be someone, be someone, be someone

You got a fast car
Is it fast enough so you can fly away?
You gotta make a decision
Leave tonight or live and die this way 


Tracy Chapman Live