Aim For The Finish Line

What an amazing weekend!  The weather, the event, the activities before and after, the support of teammates and most importantly the support and time spent with the love of my life.  I couldn't ask for anything more.  I keep looking at the pictures as they are posted on various sites... I grin and my heart swells with gratitude for all my blessings.

Friday evening we arrived in Savannah and rushed to the race expo to grab our race bibs and swag.  The weather is perfect - 70's with a light breeze,  Returning to River Street, we sat on the upper decks of the ferry basking in the sun and enjoying one of the last perfect fall days we'll experience before winter hits the south.  We grabbed a beer and walked down the cobblestone street listening to musicians and grinning like only those truly content can do.

The team dinner was inspirational.  This event raised just under $500,000 for the American Cancer Society.  The Atlanta team, I'm proud to say, raised $120,000 of that.  We were all jazzed up and ready to go, excited to finally be in Savannah and achieving all the goals we set for ourselves back in June.  On a cool side note, one of our guest speakers was Andi Powell.  I spoke to her for a little bit afterwards.  She's very sweet and passionate about life... and she's Sasha in the next Twilight movie.  That should impress my kids.

I went to sleep early Friday night.  Determined to do nothing to effect my race the next day.  Clothes were laid out, accessories placed next to the clothes.  The morning was forecast to be chilly.  Layers were put together.  Hand warmer packages (thank you Target for $1 deal) put with my phone and Gu next to my running belt.  I was... READY!

I spent alot of time before the race talking to one of my new friends and teammates.  It was her first race ever... first time she'd ever run in her life was when she began training for this event.  She was nervous so I was giving her the pep talk and telling her to just ENJOY... take it all in.  Another teammate told her not to think about why she was there til after she crossed the finish line... that he'd done that a few months back in another race and started hyperventilating and nearly passed out... I thought to myself that "I'm not one to hyperventilate, thank god, but good advice Kevin..."

As the sun came up and the racers gathered in their corrals I was grateful for so many reasons.  To be there.  To know that I could do this race.  To have the love of my life by my side running it with me in support of me and my need to fight cancer with every event I can.  Until there's a cure I will not step off this soap box.   I was (and am still) so proud of my teams efforts, in fundraising and in training to do this run. 

Our wave finally is released and we're off.  Each mile I'm looking at the official clock and smiling.  My goal is to finish this race without stopping, and with a 10-11 minute mile pace.  My 5k split is 30:52.  That's a pace of just under a 10 minute mile... My 10k split is 1:03:21... a 10:16 minute mile pace... (and better than my Peachtree race)... Around mile 8-9 my right knee starts to give out.  I feel it and tell my sweetheart and keep going.  Focusing on the event and the run but keeping a mental eye on what's happening in that knee... Praying that I will not be forced to stop.  At 10 miles I'm at 1:46... I'm still managing under an 11 minute mile pace by a hair.  I lost my pace the last two miles.  Especially mile 12.  I'm apologizing to my sweetheart as I'm grimacing and continuing to run.  I tell him to just talk.  I need to hear his voice and focus on it.  He points out the moss in the trees.  The people rooting for us.  That we are almost there.  I'm listening to this life line while I'm screaming in pain in my head and telling myself I WILL finish this.  I CAN do this.  PUSH!  I hear someone playing Wilson Philips "Hold on for one more day", and I try to sing the lyrics "I know that there is pain but ya hold on for one more day and break free from the pain"...  My left knee is starting to give because I've been babying my right knee for 4 miles and I know I'm in bad shape.

We get into the corral that will lead us to the finish line and as we turn into the final 100 yards and I see the finish line I think "OMG I MADE it... For all these people..."  and I start to hyperventilate like my buddy Kevin told Emily not to do... and I have enough brain power left in me to think "so this is what he was talking about"... while my boo is telling me "We're almost there, you've got to smile!  The cameras are going to be on you shortly..."  ok... camera's... finish line... breathe... I shake my head yes and thank god for my big glasses that are hiding my tears and I grab his hand as we run under the photographers and across the finish line... After we cross I jump onto him with a big hug of thanks and love and nearly collapse as my legs start to freeze and buckle...

We walk through all the water stations and I grab one of everything, knowing every bottle of water, Gatorade, or anything that resembles liquid handed to me will be downed in the next 20 minutes.  We look for the DetermiNation tent.  He sees it and I tell him I need to keep walking.  I know I can't stop yet.  I feel like I did after cross country in high school.  I know when a cramp is going to terrorize my calves if I stop.  We walk by a medical tent and he asks if I want to get my legs iced.  "I'm NOT going into a medical tent, I'm tougher than that"... and maybe a bit thick skulled but it was the principal of the matter.  My day is not ending with medics.

We hang outside the DetermiNation tent, basking in the sun, eating the yummy food provided and greeting people with big hugs as they make their way to the tent.  We are all thrilled for our accomplishments.  Now it's all about a glorious day in Savannah.  Our team has a trolley tour reserved and we're going on it.  We had a fabulous time with 30 members of our team and their families.  We're all one big family now, wondering which race to do next together.  I tell them about my two 5k's I have planned and I think I sold one or two people on them.  We laugh and joke as the tour guide shows us the best of Savannah... and as we get off the trolley we all look perplexed as our legs don't work right.  Not one of us walked down the stairs of the trolley without tremendous effort.  It was humorous... We grin and don't care... It's time for beer and dinner... and THEN maybe some ice on the legs when no one is looking.

The next day I put my 13.1 sticker that I've had since June on my bag... I earned it baby!  Go DetermiNation Team Atlanta and Go ME!

 post script:

 Race plans... I have two 5ks and a 15k planned over the next 3 months... They are all 'fun runs'...

Continuing the battle against Cancer...  My next event is Forsyth County's Relay For Life (also an American Cancer Society event)... I'm on the steering committee and I'm an honorary chairman...  I'll blog about that in the future...

 Peace Out!

Aim For Leaks (Roh Roh Shaggy)

 The last two days of our Orlando mini trip were fun and filled with love and laughter.  Saturday we spent by the pool of our condo building.  A 3 story water slide kept the kids busy for hours while I read by the pool soaking up the last bits of sun before Fall sets it's chilly face upon the US.

Sunday morning we woke up relatively early and drove for an hour to spend time with my cousin April.  Love her to death...  We are sisters from another mother and have been since we were 16.  Our lives have separated and returned on a 5 year basis for many years now... ships passing in the night... she's an animal trainer, and my job is never in the same town... To find each other in the same state, let alone the same town is a minor miracle worthy of a lotto ticket purchase...

April is the dare devil... the one that reaches for all life offers.... She hang glides, flies ultra lights, zip lines across whatever mountain ridge you give her a chance...

When she found out the kids and I were in Florida, she invited us to the airfield where her ultralight "dragon fly" is kept.  The kids and I drove to the air strip, not realizing the adventure coming upon us... We turn onto the street that heads us to the airport and I stop as I see the pavement end.  "Um April, I hear violins, where do I go?" I text...

"I'm in the white plane.  I see you, stay where you are."

"What plane?  What airfield?"  As the plane lands and pulls up on the grass.  That takes 'airFIELD' to a new level for me.  I'm used to long PAVED runways... not large fields of mowed grass.

She talks me into flying with her... Katie does an immediate HELL NO and CJ balks an hour later...  Its a beautiful day for flying and I'm loving the view the ultra light affords... As we land she laughs and says "I only heard one 'OH SHIT!' out of you... well done!"

We wander with the dogs to the lake/pond.  The kids spend an hour or so playing on the rope swing as April and I catch up.  CJ braves the swing for a bit before Katie decides to share and join him.  The dogs bark and chew pine cones and periodically dip in the lake.

 I tease April about her friends retriever show dog looking like a hot mess after the lake.  The greyhound, which you can see in the next Beverly Hills Chihuahua movie, never looks wet or tired... A happy dog that's full of energy and affection.

Energy and affection is our family history... that and bellies full of laughter...  CJ decided he wanted to take the paddle boat out into the lake... April told him to go ahead... Look carefully at the picture of Katie swinging above... Do you see an issue beginning to unfold...?  April notices it and, of course, tells me to pull out my camera as she's starting to laugh hysterically.

Apparently there's a leak in the paddle boat that she thought was a slow filling one.  Next thing we know his boat is playing the final scenes of the Titanic... April is laughing, I'm singing "My Heart Will Go On"... and a friend of April's valiantly hops into a canoe to save CJ.  The friend capsizes his canoe about 5' away from shore and we both fall over laughing as the guy rights the canoe and says 'That's never happened to me before"...

"My knight in shining armor!  You rush to save my son!  I'm so SECURE in your ability to bring him back to safety...  NOT!  CJ start SWIMMING!" and I fall over in another fit of laughter with April by my side guffawing...

CJ is rescued, the paddle boat is upright and dragged back to shore.

Katie gives up on the rope swing and her new buddy teaches her how to drive an ATV... this she does with abandon all over the edges of the airfield.... 

We head out an hour later... With promises to visit April again in 5 years... Hopefully we'll see her sooner... If we don't... April, I love you... Thanks for the memories and for being the coolest cousin EVER. 

Aim For Vacation

When I started my new job last month I had to give up the two weeks of vacation I had in October and December.  As I sold back my vacation, I requested today off so I could do something with my kids during their fall break.  One thing led to another and we ended up heading to Orlando, FL for a 3.5 day weekend.

The kids and I both have to be back home by Sunday night, so we didn't use my flight benefits.  We drove nearly 9 hours yesterday down to Orlando, and will do the return drive late Sunday.  Listening to a book on tape, time has flown.  We are all riveted the moment the car turns on.  Even the few minutes driving from our condo to Universal Studios, not a moment is wasted.  "Turn on the tape mommy"... 

So far the time share we are staying at is nice.  The rooms are clean and large, the two pools look well kept.  Tomorrow we'll be hanging by the pools while waiting to spend some time with my cousin that lives here.

Today was spent at Universal Studios.  Last time we were here the Harry Potter section was incomplete, so we chose to do this part of the park today.  Hogwarts was fabulous.  Very well done.

We spent 6 hours at the park.  Til everyone was tired and worn out.  From Poseidon to Hogwarts to Toons to Jurassic Park... Every inch of the park was covered.  The kids have pretty much outgrown this sort of theme park.  Some parts were cool or scary, but a large portion of it was 'cheesy' in their eyes.

After doing the Jurassic Park water ride they chose to hang out at the splash zone for the ride.  In the boat it didn't feel like we had that large of a splash... but watching the boats come, it was pretty clear that we underestimated the size.

Wandering Toon town, was like revisiting my child hood.  Betty Boop, Pogo, Beatle Bailey, and Flash Gordon.  None of these toons are still in newspapers today.

I've been on the go for the last four weeks... two weeks away at training, and other visiting the bases.  It's nice having this time with my kids, just the three of us to reconnect away from home... We're all exhausted now.  Sitting in different parts of the condo staring at our laptops...  bed time is rapidly approaching.

Tomorrow is another day of fun in the sun.  I'm looking forward to it.  I'm so blessed to be able to be here with my two babies that tower over me now...  I know that in a few short years it will be hard to get them in the same spot for a day, let alone a weekend.  It's a birthday present to me, that will provide memories of a life time for all of us.

I'm fading now... peace out and love to all!

Aim for Lethargy

I am blessed. There is not a single doubt in my mind.  Some days my blessings are positively overwhelming in their abundance. This morning I woke up in Bangor, Maine. The sun was streaming across my bed.  As I fought consciousness, I peaked at the time and stretched. I had nowhere to be before 4pm and I lay in one of the most comfortable hotel beds ever.  Finally I got up and peered outside.  The view from my hotel window began a grin that that stayed with me all day... The sky was blue, the river was gorgeous.  The inspiration to run was in front of me.

I ran 5 miles, following the river as I went.  Running past Victorians and Salt Box homes, and grinning like a mad woman.  During my run it occurred to me that in 4 days I had put in 22 miles of training.  My runs are getting faster, easier, and longer.  Today the weather was perfect, topping off at 75'.  I could have run farther but as I ran I made other plans.

I returned to my room with a burning need to go back out again.  I showered and did what I always do... Went for a long walk around the town thru which I just finished running.   I wanted to look closer at the history and homes of today's 'modern' Bangor.  Cataloging my memories by taking pictures on every other corner.  I knew I'd be blogging my day, because perfect days like this deserve an honorable mention.

As I walked through the town I received a slurry of texts from a friend who is in a new relationship.  We both feel this guy is a keeper.  I'm sending her back sage advice on how to make it work.  How once you decide that this person is "it", you have to put your ego and pride to the side and focus on your end goal.  Where your norm during tough times might be to say "bite me" and walk away, your new norm must be to ask yourself each time who you are hurting by letting your ego talk for you.  Her response was "I get it.  It's better to be happy than right all the time"... Exactly!

Days end... in a new hotel room, in a new city (Houston)... I'm curled up in a large decently appointed bed... I reread the text that was waiting for me when I turned on my phone... My man had sent it to say how much he loves me, how he thinks about me all the time, and asked if I have a clue how much I truly mean to him...

Yeah baby... I know... Thank you for finishing my day with the ultimate reminder of how blessed I am.  <3

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Aim For Critics

I was blessed to have two late reports on my last work pairing (trip).  This enabled me to run 5 miles each morning before I got ready for work.  I ran in Fayetteville, NW Arkansas, along a long flat road, and in Chattanooga, TN, I headed for the hills.  I found the road kill along the way amusing.  Only in the south will you run past dead armadillo and snakes.  Made me wonder what was lurking in the bushes and high grass fields I was running by.

My captain, for this trip, remarked at how 'shocked' the trees looked in both cities due to the drought.  Both times I agreed with him, but it struck me how I had never noticed the trees during my runs as I had been looking down.  I remembered smiling at all the delicate ground cover...  little purple floss flowers... sweet potato vines... star flower... and more...  Drought?  What drought?  Signs of drought are there to be found but I wasn't looking for it, therefore I didn't see the ugliness he saw.

On the plane day two, it came out that both the captain and I are... are you ready for this?  Liberals.  I laughed at the captain and said "A liberal in the flight deck?  It can't be!" 

The FO said, "I'm sorry, we can't be friends now."  Of course we all laughed...

I was telling this story to my boo later that night and he pointed out that is a difference between liberals and conservatives.  Liberals amass friends from all walks of life because they respect and accept different opinions.  Conservatives will write you off for being a liberal bleeding heart.  What my FO said, you'd never hear out of liberal's mouth.

I guess that's why I fit the bleeding heart liberal image.  I hear drought and how bad things are and I look and see the beauty still around me.  I have left my mind and heart open to finding beauty everywhere and in everyone.

I'm rewarded with a multitude of blessings... including finding a $20 bill on one of those runs.  It's been donated to the American Cancer Society... under the 'from', I put "God".  I figure if rain is a blessing from God for the drought, then finding money during my training run on a Sunday is his way of saying "You GO girl!  Count me IN!"...

If you want to join God the link to donate follows... ;D

I'm doing the hard part, running 13.1... You can do the easy part by clicking here now and donating!

Aim For Paralyzing Phobias

Yesterday a woman walked onto my plane, took me to the side of my galley and said she might have a problem... that she thought she had seen someone board the plane with an animal.  I said "Yes, a cat."  She winced and I asked, "Are you allergic?"

"No I have a phobia.  I don't know if I can do this."

I ask where she is sitting because I know the cat is located at the front of the plane...  bad luck, she is supposed to be sitting right behind it.  I ask if she can make the 25 minute flight in the back of the plane if I move someone for her.  "I think so", and I find someone to move forward.

She's desperately trying to keep it together, and she's mortified that I can see her fear.  I tell her I understand.  That I'm terrified of heights.  She looks at me with a raised eyebrow and I say, "I know, not a great fear to have in my carreer, but I never look out of the window."  Then I lean in closer and say, "And get this, when my boyfriend moved to Atlanta, he got an apartment in a high rise building... on the 34th floor.  Floor to ceiling windows.  Do you KNOW how long it took him to get me near those?  I get vertigo everytime."  She forgets her fear long enough to smile and feel my pain.  She gets that I understand is some small way.

She says shes unsure if she can walk by the row the cat is in.  I tell her I have her back and WE are going to do it together.  I'm going to walk with her and she's going to look into my eyes as I talk her all the way to the back.  Thats how we do it.  When she hesitates by the cat row and starts to look over in that direction.  I bring her attention back to my face.  "Look at me.  WE can do this."  She shakes her head in agreement... Deep breath and another step.  I talk to he, gently encouraging her all the way to the back.  Then I give her kleenex and a glass of water and promise her that I will visit her throughout the short flight.  As luck has it her new seatmate is chatty and funny and has her laughing by the middle of the flight.  When it is over, and everyone is off the plane, I hug her and tell her she can be PROUD of herself.  That she was STRONGER than her fear,  She worked through it.  She was beaming.

It's terrible to have a fear that impedes you from doing things that you may enjoy.  I've worked through my fear of heights to the best of my abilities.  I can sit on my boo's balcony and eat, as long as I don't sit next to the railing.  His table in front of me, saves me from the vertigo.  I have to admit that he can't sit too close to the railing without me begging him to move back a bit.  I know this has nothing to do with my vertigo and everything to do with my other major fear... losing him.

I've gone to the top of the Eifel Tower, kept my back to the wall, and enjoyed the views.  I CAN appreciate amazing vistas...  I just can't look DOWN.  In fact, I've learned to love my boo's view... from his couch in the middle of the room, with a glass of wine...

We all fight our fears daily, from real fears of danger... killing a snake on your property... to perceived irrational fears, our superstitions or perhaps repressed memories from childhood.  That most of our fears CAN be conquered is a testament to human strength and resiliance.

I WAS proud of my passenger.  I honestly didn't think I was going to succeed in talking her off the ledge... I know she was within inches of jumping off that plane and taking another flight.  She hates her fear... is embarrased by it... but she WORKED IT OUT.  She's stronger than she gives herself credit for. 

I have a few passengers over the past five years that I know I'll always remember.  This woman will be in that list.  Not because of her weakness but because of her strength.

Speaking of strength... it's time to get out of my bed in Ashville... one of my favorite towns we fly to... and go get today's training in... aiming for 5-6 miles of hilly terrain...  What little butt I have is going to be in pain in a few hours...  But I've already promised I'd reward myself at the Chocolate Fetish...  There is a chocolate covered orange peel in my future...  as soon as I conquer the miles.

To all of my friends out there...  BELIEVE in yourself...  You're stronger than you know.

Peace Out

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Aim For Another Year

"I've been high, I've been low, I've been yes, and I've been oh hell no.  I've been rock 'n roll and disco, won't you save me San Francisco"- Train

Earlier this summer I asked my daughter what she wanted for her 11th birthday.  "I want a classic Ipod and I want to go to California to get spoiled by Gramma."

"Ok, I can do that!"  I called my mother and started making plans to spend a week in July in Half Moon Bay.

Each year we get out to California a couple times, thanks to my flight benefits.  Each of us have requirements/expectations for our trip to be considered a success...

For CJ, it's Timmy's (hard salami, sharp cheddar and crackers), new Lego's, and chess with his grandfather.

For Katie it's her back to school shopping trip and See's.

For me, it's family, friends, and my stepfather's killer Cosmo's and deviled eggs...  yumm!

The summer trip always includes a drive south to Pescadero for the U-Pick strawberry fields and time at "Sand Blast Beach"... if there's enough time, we extend the drive to Davenport and have a large scoop of ice cream made in Santa Cruz.  Mmmmm..  Monday we managed to do all three...

The strawberry fields this summer were dry and dismal.  We're used to large luscious drip down your chin strawberries.  We found enough 'adequate' strawberries but it wasn't our normal crop of pure bliss.

CJ, the strawberry monster, only tasted a couple, where normally I have to follow him to ensure he actually gets some strawberries in his box that we can pay for.  That said, we manage to pick enough to nibble on our pickings for the whole week, so I guess you can say it was a success.

Where the strawberry fields failed us in dry and brittleness, the beach was a completely different experience this year.  Normally we joke about getting a free face peel from the sand blasting our faces, this year it was completely calm, and almost... WARM.

Mom and I wandered around looking for the perfect shells and rocks, while appreciating the beauty you can find only on beaches.  The sand dunes, the pelicans, and the sounds of the surf crashing... all bring peace to my soul.

This year, my soul found added peace as the next day, my boo flew in for two days... that afternoon, while mom and the kids walked Half Moon Bay beach, he and I ran 7-8 miles from Half Moon Bay to Princeton and back.  It was the PERFECT day for a long run.  Sunny but not to hot.  Running along side the coast next to my boo... life doesn't get much better than that.

Wednesday we dropped the kids off at their other grandparents in San Francisco, and took my sweetheart on a ride along Highway 1, stopping and showing him bits of my past along the way... My first apartment, the hospital I worked in as a child, both of my grandparents homes where I spent a large portion of my summers growing up... and over Mt Tam to Stinson beach, to visit my uncle for an hour.  A perfect day for a drive,  While seeing glimpses of my life, he also got to see the places in our favorite songs by Train.


Thursday morning my honey had to go back to life as we know it, so we dropped him off at the airport and grabbed the kids to start the day Katie had been anticipating all summer... While CJ and my stepfather went to the movies, mom, Katie and I drove down to Stanford to shop til Katie dropped.  She's out grown the Justice styles, so we had to find her young adult taste... She's officially Gap with a bit of Abercrombie and Fitch... By the days end she had armfuls of bags and couldn't move another step... SUCCESS!

Another small request Katie had for her birthday was cupcakes for breakfast.  On the morning of her birthday, mom and I whipped up a small batch and made both of the kids happy.

The day was packed full of family and friends as it was our last day in California.  My aunt, who is more like my sister, and her daughter came over and joined us for a drive down to Capitola.  We ate and drank til we were stuffed, sitting outside watching birds and boats go by.  The weather was to die for, and we all just sat there in a happy daze.

We shopped the quaint storefronts and went to the beach to touch our toes in the surf and take pictures... As we were gathering to take pictures a seal popped his head up 15 feet in front of us...  as if to say "Hi"...  Totally cool surprise for the kids!

Family means everything to me.  It's one of those things I hope to instill in my children.  The importance of family, and having those few close friends that are extended family.  These are the people that will help you through everything.  Help you listen to your soul when you forget the way.  The people that will always have your back, and love you no matter what.  The circle of family and friends around me is not a large one.  It is full of those who mean the world to me, without whom, I'd be desolate.

Our final evening in California was spent with this inner circle... my kids and parents... Carol and her family, Debbie and Mike, and Gina.  Dinner, drinks, and loads of laughter... it's good for the soul.

Katie had the birthday she wanted, and we all had the trip to California that we needed.  Recharged with love we headed back to Atlanta on Saturday.

"You save my life with every word you say
You shine your light for me to find the way
Just hold me tight and cross your heart to stay
Here with me born to be, Every part of you in Half Moon Bay..." - Train

Back home the kids and I spent most of Sunday sleeping, then headed to my father and Corrie's for dinner for one last birthday celebration.  My dad's kick ass ribs, and more presents for a spoiled 11 year old girl... and finally she's done with her celebrations... Both kids are doing everything they can this week to be lazy for their last full week of summer...  Sleeping in til noon, watching the Olympics and movies til late in the night.  Summertime and the living is indeed easy when you're a kid...

I ran every day except one while I was in California, putting in 4-8 miles along the coast or downtown Half Moon Bay.  I've run each day I've been home since.  While I was running along the country roads near my now home, I was thinking about the trip... and reflecting back along Katie's life.  I found the growth that would later hold cancer while I was pregnant with her 12 years ago.  After she was born 11 years ago, the doctors performed another 5 needle biopsy on this growth and continued to ensure me that it was not cancerous.  Katie was 1 when we moved to Georgia... and this month marks the 10 year anniversary that a close friend was diagnosed with stomach cancer, leading me to start the process of finding a doctor in Atlanta to look at my growth yet again.

In a few short months it will be MY 10 year anniversary of being diagnosed with cancer.  I had two operations and 3 years of radioactive treatments... and I have since remained cancer free.  I have had the gift of 10 more birthdays... 10 of my own and 10 more years of watching my children have birthdays... being able to do the things they want, and spoiling them with love and affection... instilling in them my beliefs, helping them evolve into the sweet, funny, smart and warm young adults they are...  Because of changes in cancer treatments... research... and human evolution I'm living a full and happy life.

Thinking about this while I was running last night... made me run more than the 'lazy' three miles I had planned on running.  I pushed on and did 5 miles... DETERMINED to train... DETERMINED to fund raise all the dollars I can for American Cancer Society...  DETERMINED to remember those lost and help fight for those who battle today and will fight it in the future.  DETERMINED to appreciate this gift called life and never take it for granted...  .

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 L'Chaim!  To Life!