This has been one of those weeks where I seem to keep tripping over mole holes... it's been a struggle to physically and emotionally survive...
Not knowing where to start today's blog, I sat outside and watched as my sprinkler watered my garden... Cardinals singing "cheeeeeeer reep reeep reep reep reep reep...", sun shining... slowly the bits and pieces of my life pulled together for a story....
Chipmunks... The sweet little guy from last year is officially out of hibernation... I know this because he's back to building chipmunk freeways in my garden. He's been lovely entertainment for Avery and my three not so blood-hounds... but this year, ChipperMonkey must go... Decision made, I'm going to borrow my dads friendly catch and release trap... and Chipper is going to find himself in a new home, in a park, on the other side of the freeway... SOON.
Cancer... Tomorrow I walk the Relay For Life in Forsyth County... I do this as a survivor, in honor of my neighbor Allan, who died last year. Cancer scares me. I've watched too many people suffer from this horrid disease.... myself included. I've become quite aware of all my body parts. I listen when I don't feel well, because I know this disease is one best caught early.
I have had a sore rib since October. I had a PA look at it at my PCP's office. He didn't feel anything and suggested it was a muscle rubbing my rib..."Come back in two months if it still hurts"... In February, my PCP did a full physical on me, and he didn't feel anything there either... "The PA was probably right"... Probably right doesn't instill confidence in me. My girlfriend, Dilek, who died of cancer 9 years ago was told she had a virus for months... by the time they figured out that 'virus' was stomach cancer, it had spread.
Life moved on since February... I've been busy... but my rib has continued to bother me. I promised myself this weekend, as I was holding it standing in my galley on my barbie jet, that I would take the time off this week to get it looked at again... I'm not happy it still hurts seven months later... Last night as I was drifting off to sleep, I remembered my PCP saying the only thing on the left side of your body is the spleen... and it occurred to me that maybe I have an enlarged spleen... so I looked online to see what could cause it... Leukemia was one of the primary causes... and I've been told that the amount of radiation I had during my cancer treatments could bring on Leukemia later... Dread immediately filled me. I researched more and couldn't find any other symptoms that I could be possibly feeling for Leukemia to be the answer... but I AM at risk for it... So I made the decision to talk to my endocrinologist today about it... It was my bi-annual post cancer follow up. He knows my family history... he knows my history...
Commitment... If love isn't full of mole holes, nothing is. Two people working to become a team, a partnership due to attraction, love and friendship... It's so easy to get tripped up in your own knee jerk reactions that you can trip over each other and bicker with the one person that makes your heart sing.
I've spent the week tripping all over myself and him... Looking like Elaine on Seinfeld dancing... By the end of my long overnight in SDF, I was on the road to smooth moves, and after feeding a tranquilizer via my therapist today on the last little bits of discomfort I had experienced, I'm ready to tie it all up in a little bow and push it in the garden to fertilize the plants with the shit I shouldn't have let bother me, nor he him. C'mere baby... want to see how well I can move now...? I have some slow dancing to show you... After a round or two of Train and Jimmy... ask me what finally brought me peace the other night... I KNOW it'll make you smile...I know you're sitting there wondering if we're still icky... for my part, know it's safe... As I sat in my garden listening to His Holy Eminence (The Cardinal), and planning the near future move of my Chipper tenant, I realized I needed to reach out in words to you, and smooth your return to me.
Let me simply say, in staring at my now growing lawn... It came to me... the grass may look greener on the other side of the fence to some... to me, the grass only looks greener when you're sitting next to me... with that thought, I got up to write this blog for you... ilunmum
When it Starts To Rain - Jimmy LaFave
I think of you when it starts to rainShadow dancing across your yard
While your folks fall fast asleep you move
Beneath the moon and stars
I think of you across the highway miles
In places that you’ve never been
I think of you when I feel at peace
I think of you when I need a friend
I think of you in the morning light
Waking to your sunlit smile
I think of you when you go away
Even for a little while
I think of you like an angel’s song
Plays so softly in my head
Keeps me safe deep inside my dreams
As I lay upon my bed
I think of you almost all the time
I think of you in the night and day
I think of you in a million unsaid words
I think of you in every way
I think of you and the lonely years
I think of you through the passing days
I think of you so wild and free
And I hope you always stay that way
And I think of you and your photograph
I keep beside me in the night
And sometimes when my darkness falls
I hold you close to feel your light
I think of you when it pours down rain
Shadow dancing across your yard
Hand in hand with your shadow little angel
You move beneath the moon and stars
I think of you in the morning light
Waking to your sunlit smile
I think of you when you go away
Even for a little while
I think of you when it starts to rain
I think of you when it starts to rain
Waking to your sunlit smile
I think of you when you go away
Even for a little while
I think of you when it starts to rain
I think of you when it starts to rain
p.s. check it out... this iris is about to bloom, but that thing we divided that we got for almost nothing, and just figured was 'end of season'... it's about to bloom too... see under the birdie bath?
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