Aim for Goal Blockers

What's your goal?

As I was running along and over the Elizabeth River this morning I thought, as I always do, "Is this run done yet?  Can't I just shorten it to 2 miles?"... and I told myself, as I always do, "The first mile is always the worst... wait... you'll be fine..." and I was... Once I get through the first mile the endorphins always kick in and I seem to run 3.5-5 miles without problems... In the long run I tend to run past the intended end just a bit because I'm not ready to be finished where just a half mile in I always AM ready to be finished.  It's a mind over matter issue.  Letting go, letting God, and BELIEVING in yourself... never giving up.

I thought about this as I was running over the bridge.  I had passed a homeless woman on the way out.  I smiled at her and kept running... when I headed back the way I came, I caught up to her and as I went to pass her again she reeled around on me and started screaming God knows what.  I smiled, this time my fake smile, did a peace out, and kept running.  Her demons still screaming bad juju at me as I ran.  I thought about her on the rest of the run...  Where did she lose her goals?  We don't grow up dreaming about being homeless.  Au contraire, we dream of the white picket fence, fast cars, and of being someone...  I know homelessness comes from a variety of societies problems, alcohol/drugs, mental health, and the general economy... This blog isn't going to touch or debate the reasons why... so don't feel the need to comment on homelessness...  It's about losing focus on our dreams.

It's about the moments of our lives where we choose to keep fighting for/striving for our goals or where we choose to give up on/lose those goals...  I posted a quote today on Facebook, which a few of you liked... "You almost have to stay in the moment, because if you let your mind wander, if you don't keep it roped in, it can take you to dark places. Why worry about what's down the road when you don't know how long it really is"... I don't know if anyone knew the story behind that quote... and I felt it would be stronger in NOT knowing the story.  It's true for everyone... not just Lauren Hill, a 19 year old college student who is dying from an incurable brain cancer and is spending her last days reminding the world of EXACTLY this point... Live in TODAY.  She knows her tomorrows are numbered and yet she's still fighting for a goal... having her life have purpose.  Having had a reason to have lived...  if a dying 19 year old can focus on that... why is it so many of us can't.  We wallow in our small shit instead of letting it go and leaving rent space in our heads for the big shit.

I like to run along water because water helps keep me focused on my goal of running a long distance.  The moment I'm near it, I seem to be invincible.  I FEEL it's power in my soul like a mermaid in the sea.  I am reminded of my goal of needing water in my life... of living near it when my kids go to college.  As I run I ponder what I have to do to make that happen.  The first third of my life was where my parents were... the second third of my life is where my children are... the last third of my life is where I need to find peace with myself alone, or if God intends, with a man deserving of me that I love beyond reason.  There are many choices/paths before me in the next four years...  Sometimes things get in my way and sometimes I let my head wander into those dark places... but I do not let myself dwell in these places for long... I keep putting my feet in front of the other... because I know that the endorphins will kick in and my goals for the last third of my life will come to fruition.

"Fast Car"

You got a fast car
I want a ticket to anywhere
Maybe we make a deal
Maybe together we can get somewhere
Any place is better
Starting from zero got nothing to lose
Maybe we'll make something
Me myself I got nothing to prove

You got a fast car
I got a plan to get us out of here
I been working at the convenience store
Managed to save just a little bit of money
Won't have to drive too far
Just 'cross the border and into the city
You and I can both get jobs
And finally see what it means to be living

See my old man's got a problem
He live with the bottle that's the way it is
He says his body's too old for working
His body's too young to look like his
My mama went off and left him
She wanted more from life than he could give
I said somebody's got to take care of him
So I quit school and that's what I did

You got a fast car
Is it fast enough so we can fly away?
We gotta make a decision
Leave tonight or live and die this way

So remember when we were driving driving in your car
Speed so fast I felt like I was drunk
City lights lay out before us
And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder
And I had a feeling that I belonged
I had a feeling I could be someone, be someone, be someone

You got a fast car
We go cruising, entertain ourselves
You still ain't got a job
And I work in a market as a checkout girl
I know things will get better
You'll find work and I'll get promoted
We'll move out of the shelter
Buy a bigger house and live in the suburbs

So remember when we were driving driving in your car
Speed so fast I felt like I was drunk
City lights lay out before us
And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder
And I had a feeling that I belonged
I had a feeling I could be someone, be someone, be someone

You got a fast car
I got a job that pays all our bills
You stay out drinking late at the bar
See more of your friends than you do of your kids
I'd always hoped for better
Thought maybe together you and me find it
I got no plans I ain't going nowhere
So take your fast car and keep on driving

So remember when we were driving driving in your car
Speed so fast I felt like I was drunk
City lights lay out before us
And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder
And I had a feeling that I belonged
I had a feeling I could be someone, be someone, be someone

You got a fast car
Is it fast enough so you can fly away?
You gotta make a decision
Leave tonight or live and die this way 


Tracy Chapman Live

Aim for Economics Paper

This morning I woke up at 8 with a warm furry purring cat on my chest.  We had a discussion about me needing to get up.  Avery fought valiantly to keep me down.  I HAD to get up because today IS the day I slotted in my crazy schedule to write my 20 page Economics paper due this semester.  Last night I even made a point of telling my girls (Cherie and Angie) that I had to hunker down and write today... Don't call or show up.  I need to WRITE darn it.  Today is THE day!!!

I got up, made my coffee, cleaned the kitchen and changed my refrigerator water filter.  Then I spotted the plants I bought yesterday to replace those that bit the dust in our late frost last week.  Now or later?  I grabbed my gloves and a shovel, and planted those along with the peppers I have been raising in my kitchen.  I hoed the aisles and weeded the veggie/herb garden.  Then watered it of course...

I remembered the other seeds I have that I haven't cultivated yet...  So I cleaned out my peet containers and set them up again for the next go round...  and planted those seeds...  a few types of peppers and a few hydrangeas coming soon hopefully...

Oooh, what is that I spy in the garden as I place the peet trays on the table....  Must go look...  The next round of daffy's and Iris's are starting to bloom.  Gotta go take pictures.

I love Iris.  Probably one of my favorite flowers on the planet.  Majestic and gorgeous!  This one is one of my favorites in my garden.  If I kept the gardeners log that my mom keeps telling me to keep, I'd know the name of it...

So now I am back inside at 10:45... Sitting with a cup of baileys and coffee and eating one of my baked oatmeals... Cherie and Angie have been texting me since 9:39 (they listen well)...  and Cherie (who also has a paper to write) has already called me on the way to go for a bike ride...  My first words were "There is a STRICT moratorium on you contacting me today.  I told you that!".... Yeah she laughed and kept talking... sigh.

Now I'm at an impasse as I sip my coffee... The book I need to reference to start the Economics paper is upstairs in my room...  Next to the pile of clothes I need to fold... I am a MASTER procrastinator... The moment I walk away from this blog, I'll be folding clothes instead of writing the paper...  and maybe I'll go for a 6 mile run too... so I can figure out how to be inspired enough to write about inequalities...

Pray for me... 

Aim For the "tude"

A new acquaintance posted this today and I smiled wistfully as I read it.  Truth in every word...  but today is a good day... it's a lazy morning day that soon will be filled with an early family Easter gathering...

As I sat here with Avery purring on my lap trying to convince me to not start working on my papers (purr do not look at the light box... purr oops did I just hit random keys that made your screen disappear... purr), I spoke to a friend on the phone, looked at other friends updates on Facebook and listened to the clothes washer humming down the hall...  Normal peaceful day... and then someone got snippy.   Grrr... I'm not going to let that moment rule my day so I'm going to quickly expunge it and another moment from last night in a blog vent....

I'm constantly told I have a big heart... a good heart... that I care too much...  it's what everyone loves about me... and what some people hate about me..

Yesterday I was told that I shouldn't care so much about work.  I had made a simple observation with a loved one that the catering in Detroit sucks and that it sets flight attendants up for failure.  If my aircraft repeatedly doesn't get catered then I am unable to provide the level of service my passengers expect.  I have pride in my job.  "Well if the company doesn't care why should you?"  The day I don't care about how my job is done is the day I will quit.  I am great at what I do.  My passengers love me and hug me as they walk off my plane.   Don't tell me I shouldn't care.  The conversation went on and I finally asked why we were having a debate over whether I should care?  It's ME.  I CARE about people.  "That's what I love about you and sometimes it also drives me nuts..."  That's why you have a job that doesn't deal with people because you don't have that capacity.  Back off...

I go above and beyond for people on a daily basis... Again, it's who I am.  I encourage, support, listen, give helpful feedback.  It's why I was a great Union Rep.  So when people that know me mistake anything I say as anything other than supportive and loving, I want to pull my hair out.  Ouch really?  Look at the source and think, did Heather really mean it THAT way?  Breathe before you get snippy with me.  I care until I get hurt.  When I or a loved one gets hurt by someone I shut down shut out and move on.

I love the world but sometimes I just want to smack y'all up the side of your head.  I'm going to let this all go now... and drink more coffee, shower and get dolled up for my Easter.  If Mandella could forgive his oppressors, I can forgive your momentary lack of sense.  Christ died for your sins and he rose again on Easter.  I'll be forgiving y'all for your sins in inadvertently hurting me.  Today.

Peace Out.

Aim for the Race

“Sometimes you’ll never know the true value of a moment, until it becomes a memory.” Maira Nari, daughter of Chief Flight Attendant Andrew Nari, Malaysia Airlines Flight 370

 The news is chock full of speculation on MH370.  Daily talks by industry "experts" ad nauseum have drug the pilots names through the mud with discussions of possible terroristic acts and/or pilot error with absolutely zero evidence and 100% speculation.

The families of the passengers and crew have had this mindless chatter in their ears for weeks.  It's everywhere you turn.  Some of the comments the public has made has left me wanting to punch someone in the throat.

"Can you trust your pilots?"  Yes, I do on a daily basis.

"The MH370 pilot must have been a relative of a certain US president."  Speechless really.  That person needs to put more aluminum foil on their head as the aliens speaking to them aren't coming in clearly.

Amidst all of this I wonder about the crew.  Something went wrong.  Very wrong.  If the altitude and directional changes reported are correct, they had time to know something was very wrong.  I've thought about this alot in my down time.

I love my job and I know realistically that it's safer than commuting in a car on a daily basis.  Thus if I ever find myself in their unfortunate shoes will I have any regrets?  Maybe.  "Damn I shouldn't have picked up this trip..."  Probably my last thoughts would be missing my children graduating from school, getting married, and not being there for any grandchildren... I would be thinking about them and how proud I am of them and much I love them with all my heart...

I'd think about how lucky I've been to have the family and friends I have in my life...

Lastly, because it's how I go to bed nightly, my last breath would be "Mark"... as it has been for nearly six years.

So my loved ones... If this ever happens to me... Know how much I love you and how much I am grateful that you are in my life.

My epitaph should read "Her children were her world... She loved with all her heart, listened to her soul, followed her dreams and appreciated the gift of another day (after coffee)..."

God bless the souls lost on MH370, their families and loved ones.

Aim for Dormancy

Every year as soon as it begins to thaw outside... (yes it THAWS in Atlanta- that would be when it reaches 50' for the first time...) gardeners step into their yards and start to remove the dead growth of winter.  Broken limbs are trimmed from trees, rose bushes and crepe myrtles are pruned back, and dried stalks and stems are gathered and tossed in time to find lil bursts of green starting to push up from the earth.

Our winter has been brutal this year.  In our snowmageddon and ice massacre I lost a few bushes, including a beloved rosemary.  The days of true warmth have been few and far between, thus I've only mulched a few sections in the last three weeks and all of the damage has yet to be determined.  I have a stack of bags that still need to be laid and more sections that need to have plants deadheaded.  Even my dogs haven't wanted to stay outside with me as I've worked... my oldest, biggest and possibly smartest dog refuses to step outside without her jacket. 

In addition to Winter's savagery, I've found some varmint damage.  When I started this blog years ago, it was about the pesky rabbits and my new gardener Caddy Shack mentality.  Last year Mark built a fence around my vegetable garden... Two weeks ago I went to clear out the growth to ready it for planting and I saw that the damn deer have bent the fence.  Really Bambi???  Thus when I read an article about a deer being stuck in a fence in Buckhead - the Atlanta police helped save it - all I could think of was let the bugger stay in the fence.  Keep the lil body there like the vikings would on fence posts.  A warning to future varmints to stay clear of fenced in yards... Lil buggers... they've already chomped down my Croci and they have to destroy ironworks too???  I'd say aim for deer but they destroy cars with their fat bodies fortified by the decimation of my gardens.

Spring makes me smile... I see Daffodils and Forsythia and my heart warms with the knowledge that soon my body will be warm again too.  Soon I'll spend hours weekly in my garden either with coffee at my patio table or on my knees happily removing weeds and thinking about everything and nothing as the sun caresses my shoulders.

As I run through the streets near my home I see Bradford Pears (stinky as hell but pretty), Magnolias, Red Buds, Red Maples, and misc fruit trees beginning to blossom.  My cherries and Peach Trees are a gorgeous display of color.  The Blueberry bushes are beginning to bud out.  Dreams of Sour Cream Blueberry Pie come rushing to my head.

Running... ah I can't wait for it to stay above 60.  To run outside daily and breathe fresh air is divine.  I hate treadmills.  Mark and I have been training Tootsie to heel and run right next to us... but the days of it being warm enough or dry enough to do this with her haven't been many.  She loves getting out there on the paths with us.  Eager lil furry beastie.  Granted on cold rainy days like yesterday she's just as eager to be between us on the couch...  The TseTse flies get her and she snores and twitches away all afternoon keeping our laps warm.  Hmm... that's a good idea... I think it's time for the two legged beasts to snooze too...

Aim for Malcontent

Hello my name is Heather, and I'm a recovering Union Rep.  I've been clean and in recovery for 18 days.  It's amazing how when you are so caught up in drama you forget the simple joy of living.  The last 19 months I forgot what it's like to love what you do.  I had forgotten what it was like to relax in peace and contentment at home.  The last two weeks of being back "on the line" flying again has been incredible for my soul.

My first trip back was with one of the best crews ever!  One of those trips where you laugh with your crew all day, eat together every night and continue to laugh through the night.  I could not have asked for a better return to my beloved skies.  Passengers commented over and over again on how obvious it is that I love my job.

I think my favorite compliment of the weekend was when one couple told me that I wore my uniform spotlessly.  That I "need to go to Delta and show them how a uniform SHOULD look on"...  thank you kind people.  My ego has been well fed and it feels great to be home.  :)

I flew with one of my new hire classmates from seven years ago.  It was the best way to return... to begin again with one of the fantastic women I started this journey with.  We caught up on what's happened in the last seven years.  So much has changed in both of our lives. 

I also got to see one of my favorite flight attendants on the planet when she was stuck in MSP during her commute into domicile.  "Girl come stay with me for the night!"... and she did... and we laughed our butts off all night and morning.  Love love LOVE her!

Where am I?

I looked out the window during my miscellaneous dead heads (crew repositioning flights), marveled at the views and grinned even more...  I get to see so many amazing places and people.  My office is 30,000 feet in the sky and I wouldn't trade it for an office in the tallest building in Atlanta. 


I started last weekend in St. Louis...  and both weekends I was scheduled to fly to one of my favorite overnights.  Many flight attendants don't want this trip but I love it.  Monterrey, Mexico.  Get in at 11am and sit poolside with a book all day... great Mexican food next door later... and the ability to grab Vanilla from duty free when I leave.  I'll take this trip anytime in the winter over any Northern cities.  A warm toasty Heather equals a happy Heather.

Speaking of happy...  My name is Heather, I am your flight attendant today and I will be ensuring your flight is enjoyable.  Sit back, relax and enjoy the party.

Aim for Cold Weather

Yesterday I achieved my goal of the past week... to get the kids to school and then get myself to San Francisco to see friends and family.  Anyone that non-revs knows that taking any flight other than the first flight of the day is risky... yet I needed to do my mom duties before I could escape for a weekend for ME.  Direct flights to SF went to hell...  The normal suspects backed up with stand-bys.  I chose to do a two airline jump.  Delta economy comfort the first leg and a bulkhead seat with a lovely view on United the second leg.  I thought for sure I was going to have to fly three flights to get to San Francisco yet a miracle happened...  a flight was delayed and had four seats available.  I ran to the gate, was issued a boarding pass and sighed with relief knowing I was getting in before dinner... More chick time with my girl Sonya.

Weather in SF was squirrely so we came in from the North over SF rather than from the South over San Jose.  I LOVE coming in from the North.  With a lil "excuse me" and smile I leaned over the sweet young Irish guy next to me and took a picture...  I did mention this MILF had a lovely view the second flight didn't I?  Drool and click... "Thank you."  My first view of the new Bay Bridge.

After a night full of good wine and catching up, Sonya asked if her cats would bother me.  Bring it!  Her cats made me feel like I was home... Don't tell Avery I cheated on him with this sweet lil thing.  This lil boy loves me...

We got up early this morning and did a long walk in a misty rain that culminated at Starbucks... Then we went to Yoga.  I think I may be more healthy here lol... San Carlos has changed alot since I lived here 20 years ago.  Walking through the town I could see the changes close up.  Some good, some bad.  Some of my favorite dives are gone.  Times are a changing... or I'm getting old... Or both.  :)

It's one of those rare times of year where the Bay Area is warmer than Atlanta.  I left home yesterday and it was 28'.  I got to the Bay Area and it was 49'.  Today Atlanta is 54'... and San Carlos is 58'.  At that temp I will take EVERY degree I can get.... Brrrr... It stayed misty the whole weekend but I was content to walk around in it and just breathe in what I will always call home.

Mom grabbed me around noon that day.  We hit all of our favorite San Carlos area antique stores and then went to one of the places that I must go to every visit....  See's.  California Crunch...  Rum Nougat... Marzipan...  Dark Raspberry.  Yeah... One of each please... or maybe two...

I didn't get to the one place on my list that I thought to that day...  Copenhagen Bakery.  Their Rum Logs are simply divine... Next trip I'll have to get a dozen to make up.

We met my childhood friends Debbie, Gina and Robbie.  Deb and Gina grew up on my street.  We've been friends since Kindergarten.  The type of life long friends that you love seeing, they kick your ass, and will love you through all your ups and downs.  I have no blood siblings.  I chose mine.  These girls are my life and my heart.

Robbie, I met a little later down the road in High School when I dated her brother Robert.  Robert's family adopted me and Robert became one of my best friends... Robbie is my "little sister".  One that I carefully coached not to become a bitch when she tried out for cheerleading... and explained that if she didn't listen I would beat the bitch out of her.  I'm happy to report that she listened and we've remained close over the years...

Saturday mom and I wandered down to Santa Cruz for more antiquing and more chocolate (MacKenzies)...  Spent the afternoon grabbing little bits of pretty things... enough that I had to borrow a suitcase to get home with.  Oops how did I do that?

I love driving up and down the coast.  The fields were in bloom with mustard...  the water was crazy rough due to the weather.  When Mother Nature is angry she's beautiful.  Pictures never give enough credit to what I'm seeing.  I've always wished I had the talent that some photographers have... where they catch that AHA moment.

I ran Half Moon Bay that afternoon.  Another favorite activity when I'm there.  I love to look at the shops, the people, the homes and smell the ocean smells...  That run never seems long and the night came on too soon.

We ended the day as a quiet family day getting what I'd truly come for... my parents, and my stepfathers deviled eggs and killer Cosmos.  Mmmm... life is good.  Notice there's a trend here... Food.  Gotta eat everything you can when you go home.

Sunday we had family coming over to visit.  Mom and I sat around at breakfast pondering whether or not we should have a cake for desert.  I asked who's birthday was next in our family and she mentioned my "uncle" Jim.  I calculated the years in my head and realized that it was Jim's 60th birthday and grinned.  I'm notorious in my family for planning 0 birthdays.  Fortunately for him, I didn't have any time to roast him... but it was a great reason for a yummy cake.  :)

I got what I came for.  Time by myself with mom, my childhood friends, and my closest family.  Rejuvenated with a heart full of love and laughter, I made it home on the red eye... Grateful for those that have loved me all these years.  I love them all madly, and without them I'd be lost.



Btw... Happy Birthday Jim.  May you have many more... and I'll do what I can to roast you on your 70th!  Love you!